Where Oh Where Did My Anna Go?

By Peter Stenson

Sitting on the couch at three o’clock in the morning yesterday, I watched Serena Williams defeat Justine Henin to win the Australian Open. A good match, yes, but my mind still wandered. I got to thinking about the good old days of women tennis; the days when everyone would be watching the opening rounds of the Grand Slams in order to see our beloved Anna Kournikova before she inevitably got knocked out after one match. My nostalgia turned to curiosity as I pondered what exactly is our Russian vixen up to in retirement? And more importantly, what miniskirt-wearing Lolita has taken her place on center court?

Since Kournikova’s official retirement from the WTA in 2003, the twenty-eight-year-old has become very active for various non-profit organizations. According to her personal website, Kournikova.com, Anna just recently returned from a week long trip with the United Service Organizations (USO) that included multiple visits in Afghanistan, Iraq and Germany. She was accompanied by former tennis coach Nick Bollettieri, comedian Dave Attell, and singer Billy Ray Cyrus (I’m guessing he was a concession to Hannah’s decline).

Kournikova described her role in the USO trip by writing, “It was my turn to go out and thank everyone for doing all they do for our country, allowing us to feel safe knowing they are there protecting our freedom.” She went on to say, “I just hope that we were able to lift their spirits.”

Yes, Anna, I have no doubt you were able to lift something.

Disregarding her alleged ‘09 Vegas cat fight after a woman threw a drink in her face, Kournikova seems to have dedicated her international fame to humanitarian efforts. I guess we can’t lament her early departure from professional sports if trying to better the world is her alternative.

But what about tennis? How is it faring in the wake of the not-so-good but oh-so-good-looking Kournikova? The simple answer is that tennis is in big trouble.

Over the last twenty years, the television ratings for Wimbledon have nearly decreased by half. However, from ’98 to ’00, the years in which Anna ranked as high as #8 in singles and #1 in doubles, Wimbledon’s ratings increased by 1.3 million viewers. This is a significant increase when viewed in comparison to the ‘06 ratings, three years after Kournikova’s retirement, which were a messily two million viewers total. A similar tale can be seen with the USA Open, where 3.5 million people watched in ’99 compared to 1.7 million in ’07.

Tennis may being a dying sport, as indicated by the television ratings, but one cannot discount the spike in ratings over a three year period when Kournikova burst onto the scene. Nor can one discount the steady decrease since her retirement. So if the new NFL-style “challenges” that are awarded on questionable line calls aren’t enough to reinvigorate a lackluster audience, then what is? How will tennis be saved? Well, I’m glad you asked.

The WTA is chalk full of women who could have easily decided to make a living out of turning left at the end of catwalks instead of grunting from the baseline. The Grand Slams are now like fashion week in NYC, a conglomeration of Eastern Block Europeans, Latin Americans, and Americans strutting around, donning their newest Nike, Reebok and K-Swiss attire, smiling, looking pretty, and playing darn good tennis. Players like Ana Ivanovic, Maria Sharapova, Ashley Harkleroad and Maria Kirilenko are inspiring the next generation of tennis players while at the same time slowing Internet connections throughout the world from their downloaded photos.

Although it may seem like no player will again capture our attention like the young Kournikova, spark our interests about which NHL star she really is engaged to, arouse our desire to watch first round matches from third-tier tournaments across the Midwest, I assure you, it will happen. One day, maybe many years from now, I will be watching the Australian Open at three in the morning thinking fondly of the good old days, the 2010’s, a decade that saved tennis through a plethora of beautiful women cussing, grunting and sweating.